Carpooling Etiquette

Carpooling makes sense, you've been enjoying the benefits of carpooling for a while, you've adjusted to sharing commuting space and what seemed like a brand new adventure now seems normal.  Overall it has been good and you want your carpool to carry on, but there are these "minor annoyances" that are making carpooling a little bit tougher.  It started with the really strong perfume that made your car smell like... really strong perfume, then there was the coffee spill on your uphostery.  Life happens you know it could easily have been you, but then there were those surprises where some in your carpool just didn't show up without letting anyone know.  You waited patiently at first, now its almost a running joke that the carpool does not leave at the time you all agreed to.  You have put up with these annoyances, ascribed them to personal style or just plain ignored them thinking that maybe the behaviour would improve.  It hasn't...

Does this sound familiar?  I hope not, but for thousands of carpoolers, that is the reality of their carpool.  The carpool finds itself held hostage to bad behaviour, rudeness, inconsideration and the ambiguity of unclear expectations in order to retain the benefits of carpooling.  With the possible exception of a cement truck with no brakes, nothing will kill your carpool faster than carpoolers who don't respect each other. Let me encouage you to prevent that situation through the following approach to carpool Etiquette;  

[caption id="attachment_428" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bono Holds the Door (flickr credit: dpnash)"][/caption]

Clearly outline your carpool's rules

It is only fair.  Otherwise one person's high standards and another's low standards could be in conflict even though nobody is actually intending disrespect or breaking a rule.  By letting everyone in the carpool know about the expected standard of behaviour, everyone can be absolutely crystal clear when they are not respecting the group.  Writing things down tends to make things much more clear than just chatting about them in the carpool lane at 110km/h.  Since carpooling is optional, a member of the carpool who doesn't want to abide by the rules can either negotiate, or find a carpool with more lax rules.

Abide by and enforce your carpool's rules

The strongest teacher is example.  If you are always "running a couple minutes late", you shouldn't be surprised if the others in your carpool also "run a couple minutes late".  If you can't follow the rules, then don't have them.  Rules are actually there to be followed.  On the other side of the equation, if there is no consequence for not following the rules, or the group is so fearful to point out infractions, then you might as well not have rules at all.  If the carpool feels free to point out violations, it sends a clear message that disrespect is not accepted by the group.

Carpool Etiquette - Rules you might choose for your carpool


So what rules should you have for your carpool?  maybe your carpool is composed of like minded individuals who share the same values, or perhaps there is a real diversity of backgrounds, and what means respect to one person is completely optional to another.  I've been hunting online for a list of carpool rules and drawing from my own experience to give you the following selection of rules to strengthen your carpool and improve everyone's experience.

• Be prompt.  Perhaps you think 5 minutes is nothing, but when it happens twice a day and 3 other people are waiting you just wasted 30 minutes of other people's time.  In our carpool, we wait up to 5 minutes then we leave. Leaving work on time after work is as important as being on time in the morning.  That providential meeting in the hallway at the end of the day needs to end before carpool is scheduled to leave.  If carpool leaves at 7:30, then 7:32 may be fine for everybody getting settled and buckled in, but 7:39 is clearly not "on-time".


• Don't run errands when you are driving the carpool.  This includes not stopping at the gas station.  Always have your car full of gas so you don't make your carpool sit at the gas-station while you fill up.  The point of carpool is getting to and from work effectively.


• Safety first. Everyone should feel safe, so the whole carpool adjusts towards the driving style of the safest driver (not the most hesitant driver).


• Avoid strong fragrances; perfume, hairspray, scented hand lotions all have fragrances which the others who are enclosed in the air-tight vehicle may not choose.


• If your work requires you to sweat or otherwise get dirty, respect your carpool by covering their seats with towels to protect the vehicle.


• The car should be reasonably clean and odour free in preparation for the carpool.  Clean seats give your fellow carpoolers confidence when they sit down in their best business clothes for the commute.


• Be sensitive with the choice of music.  No music is easier to manage.


• Life happens.  Call if there is a problem.  Communicate early! Lots of warning lets people plan. Remember they are counting on you. So have everyone's contact information.  Yes you can phone my house at 6AM if there is a problem.  Getting to work is important enough for my phone to ring.


• Let the driver drive.  His job is to keep everyone safe in traffic by paying attention and using his judgement.  Backseatdrivers need not apply. (imaginary brake pedals for the passenger are fine, call it a reflex).


• Set food rules;  Is coffee or food allowed in the car? (each car may have different rules).


• Don't have long cell phone conversations while you’re in the carpool.  It says something if you are ignoring the person beside you while having an enthusiastic conversation with someone who is not present.  Short calls to check in at home, leave reminders and take care of telephone errands are usually acceptable. (remember your audience includes those present).


• Avoid discussing controversial topics like religion or politics unless you know your fellow carpoolers well. While some people enjoy debating the issues, others may prefer a quieter commute.  Depending on the enthusiasm of co-workers in your carpool, you may want other rules to limit the amount of "work" conversation that occurs en-route.

Carpooling is about relating with others.

Rules are useful and necessary for bringing order and predictability to your carpool, but be sure to employ them with flexibility for maximum impact.  

• Think in terms of equity, fairness and putting yourself in the other person's shoes.  


• Discuss carpool costs together. If members agree to rotate the driving equally, then money doesn't have to change hands. But if only one person drives the carpool, passengers generally chip in to cover the costs of gas and parking.


• Compromise where you can - They want to leave at the crack of dawn, you want to leave 30 minutes later.  Try leaving at 15 minutes after the crack of dawn. 


• Realize that not everyone in a carpool has the same degree of flexibility.  While some members may be leaving a "spare" $23,000 SUV in their driveway, others may be single car families with much less flexibility since the rest of their family may have plans for the car when it is not driving the carpool. 


• Keeping money out of the equation may move you from a transactional carpool which is interested in the exact dollars and cents owed towards a relational carpool where you focus on giving and receiving a benefit.


• Consider seating arrangements.  Those needing more space or prone to car-sickness up front, and the most compatible or compact folks in the back seat where there is less room.

It is my hope that the tips I've shared above make your life and your carpool better.  If you have tips or carpool experiences to share, hit the comments below.  Thanks! Greg.